Six weeks later Natalie is
driving herself to The Haven, found in Sussex, presumably because it has the
word ‘sex’ in it. Filled with nerves, Natalie would have turned back if it
weren’t for the fact that Jan had “risked everything by putting her forward”- a
concept that still fails to make any sense. Upon arriving at The Haven, we are disappointed
by how mundane it is, accept for a maniacally grinning receptionist. We are then
treated with a riveting description of the carpet, so at least we know that
Natalie’s feet are in for a good time.
To Natalie’s surprise, she is
asked to wait in her room for one of the instructors, rather than be
immediately ushered into a room full of other guests- perhaps for an orgy.
After a sadly non-descriptive shower scene a “tall, dark man” comes to see her
for a quick interview. Forgetting his pen, Simon looks for one and we are then
treated to the most engaging description in the book yet. “Use mine.” Natalie
tells him, before recounting an epic tale spanning the entirety of the pen’s
lifetime. Uninterested in not-so-small-talk about pens, Simon jumps right to
the end of the chase and asks Natalie when she last orgasmed. Natalie,
attending a super secret sex seminar in Sussex to become a submissive is
clearly shocked to be asked such a sexually-oriented question and refuses to
discuss it. She doesn’t believe that it is any business of theirs, forgetting
that their business is to run a super secret sex seminar in Sussex to train
submissives.
Once Simon makes it clear that
she either must obey him, or leave the Haven, she reluctantly answers his
question. Natalie informs us that she hasn’t masturbated for over two months due to a lack of time. Apparently she is
far too busy either working or drinking large quantities of wine. Simon heavily
implies that Natalie must be a terrible lover, because she doesn’t “keep in
practice”. He orders her to undress and to sit in a creepy masturbation chair.
Googling "Masturbation Chair" resulted in the creepy...
The horrifying...
And the strangely New Zealand.
It is now that we discover that
this “dark” man actually has a “very pale complexion”, but ignore that
inconsistency, he has “wonderful cheekbones”. Wordlessly, Simon arranges
Natalie so her whole vulva is on view. Ordered to masturbate, Natalie blurts
out in shock and horror- partly at the fact that he wants her to masturbate in
front of him, but also because he wants her to masturbate in a way she isn’t use
to. Natalie is feeling highly embarrassed, “very awkward” “and trapped”, she
wants to “weep with humiliation”, her hands are “damp with nervousness” and the
whole situation is “almost unbearable”. Fortunately for Natalie she strokes her
breast lightly, once, and all her worries instantly disappear and she starts
gyrating. In fact, she is so turned on you can now sail not seven, but eight
seas, and Natalie quickly becomes frustrated when Simon doesn’t let her
masturbate right away. When finally
allowed to touch herself, Natalie’s nipples stand out proudly and her “sex lips”
open up. While Natalie shoots herself to a “violent orgasm” we are left
wondering if “Sex Lips” is the least sexy euphemism since “Bearded Clam”.
Thinking euphemisms couldn’t get any worse we are then exposed to Natalie’s “tight
nub” and the “soft channel inside her outer sex lips”.
With our first masturbation scene
of the book over we move onto more innocent topics- Natalie’s favourite sex
position. We are not surprised that it is “on top” where she can have “the most
control”. Natalie again finds a reason to be shocked and appalled when the
possibility of bondage is mentioned, apparently forgetting again that she is at a super secret sex seminar in Sussex to become
a submissive. Simon is frustrated by Natalie’s stupidity and wonders how she
even ever found out about The Haven. Natalie weaves a carefully constructed
lie, making sure to omit any reference of Jan who isn’t allowed to tell anyone
about The Haven. That is, of course, until she does tell. Which apparently never
mattered in the first place.
Upon Simon’s departure, Natalie
decides to go on a stroll around the grounds. In the hallway she hears some “strange
guttural noises”, and ignoring the clear parallels with some sort of gory
horror movie, decides to investigate. What she finds does not disappoint- a
blindfolded, handcuffed and stark-naked man. Sadly for us, he is not being
brutally murdered, but is rather getting a blowjob from the manically grinning
receptionist. After watching for a perversely long time, the chapter closes
with Natalie left frightened and highly aroused.
New Vocab:
Sex Lips: Uh, um… her labia?
Tight Nub: Clitoris?
Soft channel inside her outer sex
lips: The bit between her Labia Majora and Labia Minora?
Plot Holes:
Is worried about revealing that
Jan told her about The Haven, even though it is advertised through word of
mouth and Jan was Natalie’s sponsor.
Prediction for Chapter Four:
Natalie will continue to struggle
with the concepts of BDSM, Bondage and Submission. She will be humiliated,
embarrassed and hurt, but still aroused. Despite having a dreadful time, she
will be determined to continue. Meanwhile, the manically grinning receptionist
will begin to torture and ultimately murder the guests, one by one, until only
she, Natalie, Simon and Jan remain.
